“We tend to become like the worst in those we oppose.”
~Chapter House: Dune
A story that is also a lesson:
It never comes out the same when you write it for publishing and when you write it for yourself. True, you should write naturally, very similar to how you speak - yet I’m finding myself rewriting every few words because it doesn’t sound like me. There’s “writing Tom”, and “just Tom”. I express myself differently under different circumstances.
My dance teacher once told me (in training) that he doesn’t become a dancer when he starts dancing - he is the same person on and off the dance floor, and that authenticity is necessary if you want to be great. Reminds me of The Hulk in The Avengers that suddenly was able to control his beast (”You want to know my secret? I’m always angry”).
Translating what he said to “operational instructions” - he wanted me to allow all of my emotions in dance to deliver amazing, raw expression, and in order to do that best, to commit to it out of dance.
Hearing that was magical and very allowing - I was given permission to just be myself, how nice. Plus, if I could dance half as good as him, I would be on cloud nine.
He was the best dancer I’ve ever seen, but at what cost?
My teacher was very difficult, outcasted by the community he wished to be a part of. He died at an early age despite being extremely healthy physically - I suspect he took too much to heart. He was extremely emotional, and in that way I and him are similar.
Following his secret recipe will guarantee a life that feels like a rollercoaster, and as I’m advancing through life, I realize that rollercoasters are fun when you visit the park, not as a way to commute to work.
Or, in short, and in reference to The Hulk - What if I don’t want to be angry all the time?
So, we are in a land of conflicts and paradoxes. Paradox may not be understood, but you don’t need to understand something to let it exist. Here’s a few:
I want to live my life not feeling like I have to hold back, but I don’t want to live alone.
I want to be a great, amazing dancer, but to have friends cheer on me.
I want to free completely loose and do whatever the hell I want, but also be a part of society.
The middle is our friend. We can never last in the extremes.
Here is some locking for ya: