Snack #4: The Cheating Partner & My Brain
A lesson from a human:
Partnerships are hard sometimes. As I was leading more and more Authentic Dance Practices, my craft was developing through experience - and at the same time through discussion and idea-pitching with my partner. The other day she suggested a wonderful idea about the "Check-in ritual" we perform at the beginning of the class, I loved it and implemented it. Better yet - I implemented it in a session where she and I were doing this with another couple...but, alas, I was struck with emotion, so vivid and intense. I think it was extra vivid because I've already done 3 other sessions on that day - my sensitivity and awareness were heightened.
I could feel gross distrust from her, radiating, even though she wasn't saying anything or interfering. It threw me off completely and made me feel insecure about something I've been doing multiple times a day, almost every day. Later on, I learned that she felt I misunderstood her idea and misused it - and that she had some expectations about taking a bigger part in leading the session, expectations that she had yet to share with me.
Interestingly, she didn't feel like she was feeling it too strongly or that she projected it, even though I felt it to my soul.
So for the remainder of the session, I was disappointed, hurt, angry. A small, but significant input, set the tone for me that night. I learned that it happened because I did not expect to feel this from her - but because I was emotionally open to my partner, unlike a stranger or just a friend, and so, I learned, the impact is powerful.
I also learned that it's better to open up your emotions to your close ones sooner than later - even if you think someone can't feel it on you, somewhere, in the conscious or subconscious, they can sense it projecting on them.
A lesson from a thing:
This one is an old lesson, but being inactive on social media clears my mind, and allows me to live more in the "real world". I'm saying "real world" because, in our day and age, social media IS a part of the real world, whether we like it or not.
I don't want to completely avoid it - I would like to be a part of society (for now, at least), but I've yet to learn how to manage the energy I put into it. Sometimes I'll just scroll, sometimes I'll only post and not even check the comments, and sometimes I'll have a heated discussion.
Years into using this tool, there's no clear manual or method that works for me continuously. The world changes, my world changes, the way I use it changes, and I try to adapt to everything at the same time. It can be stressful, so I'm grateful I can take those breaks, get a fresh perspective, and jump back on the wagon.
A dance:
Sometimes a perfect dance is one where you're not caring about anything. What is perfect for you today might not be the same tomorrow.